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At some point in our lives, we will feel like we are starting over – whether in a new career, in business, in a relationship, or with our health.
Though (let’s be honest) it sucks when you’re in it. Often these big life transitions are such fertile ground for transformation, reawakening, and ultimately clarifying a new sense of purpose or direction.
If we can learn to navigate newfound loss, change, and uncertainty with a spiritual lens, we can often move through it quicker and glean the gold more fully.
Today I am going to share with you 7 steps to begin again so that you can move through this season of your life with renewed grace, ease, and the ability to consciously make this iteration of your life the best one yet!
7 Steps to Begin Again in Business, Relationships, and Life
1. Acknowledge that things are not the way they used to be… and that’s OK. So much of our feeling of “stuckness” or confusion comes from clinging to the past or expecting or wanting things to remain the same or be how they once were.
When I was going through my divorce. I felt like my entire world was shattered. I no longer had my home, my community, my sense of safety or trust in the world. I lost my best friend, my husband, my in-laws, my family. There was just SO much loss. I tried to cling to everything and make it work and put on my “Do-er Hat” and fix things, but it was clear this was not working. So I had to try something new… which was to let go. Something that really helped guide me through those dark times was relying on my faith and connection to spirit. In yogic philosophy, this is called Ishvara Pranidhana or a surrender to the spiritual. It means deciding to surrender to life.
It reminds me of surfing and when you get hit by a wave you get thrashed around, and you are told to be loose and let the waves tumble you and not remain rigid because if you do, that’s when you get hurt. There is a strength and a new sense of trust that can be found in letting it all go.
Letting go of what was or how we expected things to be is not apathetic, like “well that’s life and it sucks” and it’s also about spiritually bypassing things and being like I’m going to forgive and learn and love and just go with the flow and it’s all good if that’s not authentic for you.
But instead we can learn to surrender to life by HONORING the loss and the grief. It might look like saying to yourself: “I don’t know what to do and that’s really hard for me.” or “I want things to be the way they were and they are not and it is breaking my heart,” or “I’m scared to start over again.” or “I’m afraid of letting go because what if there isn’t something better for me out there?”
As Carl Rogers puts it so beautifully: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.”
Acknowledging and accepting things as they are now is the first step to change. In this way it also helps to lighten the load, you aren’t using all of your energy to feel bad about not being where you once were or where you want to be,or even needing to change yourself all at once… you can just surrender, and in that you reclaim your power for real change.
2. Ask yourself: What did I learn or glean that I can bring forward?
Even if what brought you to this moment right here and right now was traumatic or painful or shameful, you learned something. I know this because you would not be here LISTENING to this right now if you weren’t meant to glean the gold from this experience and use it to become even better than before.
What did I learn from this? Even if you are staring in the face of failure or a decision you wish you hadn’t made, or a hurt that brought you to your knees, there is some learning here. If you were to look at this with a loving, all knowing perspective, what wisdom can you glean?
3. Create space for your new reality to emerge
Spirit never gives us anything more than we can handle. So if you have been knocked to the ground, trust that you will be given the strength to rise again. That there is something even bigger and more aligned that wants to be born through you during this time.
But, before we can create space for something new in our career or relationships, or life, we need to create space.
It’s like when you get new furniture. I recently just invested in these beautiful new pieces from West Elm and before we were using camping chairs and a janky old table and a couple of plastic Adirondack chairs. If we moved all that new exciting stuff onto our deck without clearing the old stuff out first, it would just be a mess.
Same goes for any moment in your life when you are ready to make a change, level up, transition, move on, or recreate something. You can’t just pile on all the new stuff without clearing out the old.
So ask yourself: how can you create space for cultivating your new reality? What do you need to let go of in order to move forward?
If you are starting over in relationships, you might need to acknowledge what you learned and let go of fault or blame, disappointment, a hatred, a grudge, a story that it was your fault, a belief that you did it wrong, a mindset that you don’t get to find love after a certain age, etc.
Or if you are starting over in your health, maybe you need to clear your schedule to have room to cook or workout, get rid of all your frumpy clothes so you can bring in some high-vibe workout outfits you love, maybe let go of the guilt of eating that pizza and beer on repeat, or saying no to binge drinking on Saturday nights.
What do you know you could let go of, release, clear out in order to make space for the new?
4. What do you want next? We often get stuck – sometimes for YEARS because we subconsciously spend our time and energy thinking about and ruminating on the past, whether it was a positive or negative experience.
We replay conversations, or decisions, we tell the old story about how some people get to have what we want but not us, that we are limited, damaged, undesirable, unworthy, or otherwise burdened by our past.
The antidote to this is to create a clear vision of what you DO want.
I go through this in detail in my FREE Visioning and Goal Setting Workshop.
But what I want you to do right now or later this evening is dedicate some time where you can sit down and just suspend the constant thoughts and to-dos, anxiety, and overwhelm and allow yourself to dream, to open up to what is possible for you.
To imagine life, your career, your body, your relationship, your business in the future when you already have what you desire.
Don’t worry about the how or the who it’s with. Focus on what you desire and how you would feel once you have it.
What would it look like, feel like, who would you be? What would you be wearing? Believing? Doing? Imagine as much detail as possible and FEEL into this next iteration of your life that you desire.
Write this all down as if you are watching it all play out on a screen in front of you.
5. What limiting beliefs are telling you that you cannot have this outcome? Inevitably, as we move out of our stuckness and into our future reality that we desire our subconscious mind will come up with all sorts of stories about why we don’t get to have that.
I’m too old, too young, too skinny, too fat, too experienced, not experienced enough, it’s too late, it’s not time, I don’t have enough money; I have a kid, he/she/they would never do that, etc. If you quiet down and listen to the thoughts that come up, you will hear what these are for you.
Now it’s time to actively shift to a more empowering thought.
As you notice the old thoughts come up, actively shift toward the new, more empowering ones aligned with the reality you REALLY WANT.
Ex: I wish I never wasted my time with him. >> I learned exactly what I needed to learn to create an even more healthy and supporting partnership moving forward.
My business was a failure >> I learned a lot about what didn’t work for that business at that time, but knowing this I can create my next business with a greater understanding of what DOES work.
Just recently I gained 65 lbs in pregnancy. It’s tough sometimes to look in the mirror and feel like I’m starting from scratch, but I’ve been using one of my favorite mantras: “I am not where I want to be, but I am on my way.” Otherwise what happens? I look at where I am and where I want to be and it feels SO far away. I get overwhelmed and want to eat carbs and zone out on Netflix and not workout. Instead, I use this mantra or tell myself, “this gets to be easier and turn out better than I ever imagined possible” or “I’m going to be my fittest yet in my 40s.” It really helps shift the energy from feeling overwhelmed to… ok, I’m on a journey, this is a dip but I am going to keep going and I trust things will shift again, they always do. When I think these thoughts, I do things differently… I fit in a 10 minute workout, choose the salad because I actually want it, I stop telling myself I’m not attractive. And then suddenly, I feel sexy, my husband responds to my vibe, my body responds to the food and exercise no matter how small and things CHANGE.
6. Finally, what is one small step YOU can take today? Overwhelm creates resistance and keeps us stuck. The antidote to overwhelm is small, consistent actions in the direction of your bigger dream.
So what action will you take to align with the future you want rather than the past?
Ex. If you miss being able to travel or feel free in your life, book a trip.
If you want to be ready for Mr. Right or Ms. Right when she comes along, you can start working with a therapist to overcome past trauma and shift your patterns of relating.
If you want to revamp your business or start again after kids, you can draft your vision of the business you want to create next and reach out to potential clients.
If you are in a job that you hate, start to cultivate the vibe you want outside of work – for example, learning French on your commute or volunteering your time in your soul-centered work.
If you are not sure what to do in your relationship, do SOMETHING. Try taking space or diving into deeper intimacy through having an honest conversation and see how it feels, then take your NEXT step. Then your next and then your next…
Before you know, you will have built your life, even better than before.
SO there you have it, 7 powerful steps to begin again in your business, life, and relationships
- Acknowledge that things are not the way they used to be… and that’s OK. (practicing acceptance and surrender)
- Ask yourself: What did I learn or glean that I can bring forward?
- Create space for your new reality to emerge
- What do you want next?
- What limiting beliefs are telling you that you cannot have this outcome?
- Finally, what is one small step YOU can take today?
Take action now. Remember, small steps create big change. Keep going toward what you desire and it will ultimately be yours. Until then, sending you all the love.
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